New Beginnings
by Heero1
Summary: Trowa reflects on his relationship with Heero. The war has ended. New beginnings are made, but what will happen when Heero feels he doesn't belong? What will Trowa do? And how does Quatre fit into all of this?
1. Default Chapter

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Hehehhe, I can't believe I'm starting another fic now. I haven't even finished the other one yet -_-" Oh well. Okay, this fic contains 4+1 and 3+1/1+3. There's some depressing suicidal scenes. I'm not going to tell you anymore. Just read and find out the rest. And please please please REVIEW!!  
  
DISCLAIMER: As much as I love Gundam Wing, it doesn't belong to me. Too bad eh?  
  
New Beginnings By: Heero  
  
CHAPTER 1: STRANGE ENCOUNTER  
  
TROWA'S POV  
  
I never thought I would live to see the end of the war. I had been trained to live for the moment, not thinking of the future. Thinking of the future and what it might bring would jeopardize the mission. So I was taught to believe that I was worthless, barely a human being. All I was useful for was to fight in the war. However, an angel was sent to me to show me what life was really about; that life wasn't about war and fighting, it was about peace and happiness. That angel was like me, a Gundam Pilot, the boy known as the Perfect Soldier.  
  
Before I met Heero Yuy, I had always thought I had a high disregard for my own safety. I didn't flinch at the razor sharp knives thrown at me by Catharine, I performed quite dangerous acrobatic tricks usually without a safety net, and above all, I piloted a Gundam. Piloting a Gundam means that you would be willing to give your life for the cause. I knew this and the other pilots knew this, but I think only Heero really understood and accepted this fact. When the time came, he was ready to surrender his life without a second thought. That's how perfectly conditioned he was.  
  
I was more affected than I ever let on. That's the advantage of having an almost impenetrable mask to hide my thoughts and feelings. So that's what it meant to die for the cause. Press the red button of destruction, get thrown 100 feet among shattered debris, pain beyond expression, and for what? For the colonies that turned their backs on us? For the scientists that turned us into fighting machines, barely even human? For the people of Earth that hate us? It was shocking how he could, in one second, make the decision to end his life. Watching it happen, I didn't know if I could do it, even if I was ordered to.  
  
At this point, I hadn't known Heero. I only knew that he was a fellow pilot and a damn good one at that. Although I didn't know him, I knew that he deserved a fitting burial. After all, he did sacrifice his life for us to get away. I wouldn't let Oz desecrate his body. I guided Heavyarms to pick him up. He was so fragile and weak-looking. I had to look away. When I got back to the circus, my curiosity got the better of me. I had to look at this boy, who was probably younger than me, who had fought and given the most precious gift a soldier could give - his life.  
  
I lightly leaped up onto Heavyarms, to where he lay deathly still. However, this stillness was not of death, only of unconsciousness, as I would soon discover. As I looked down at him, for the first time in a long while, I felt an emotion - sadness. I was sad that this boy, that I didn't even know, had died. I felt sad that I would never get to know him. I was surprised that I felt this. But then I dismissed this thought. It wouldn't do to dwell. What was done was done, and nothing could change that. However, it seems like fate was smiling down on me.  
  
As I reached down to shut his eyes to eternal sleep, I felt his ragged breath on my hand. I quickly withdrew my hand as if it had been stung. I looked at him closely, and realized that his chest was moving, almost imperceptibly, up and down. For a moment, my heart was in my throat. I wanted to shout for joy, I knew not why. All I knew was that I was happy that this boy was still alive. This boy that had nothing to do with me, save fighting for the same cause. This boy that I didn't know, but would grow to know, and would eventually grow to love.  
  
END OF TROWA'S POV END OF CHAPTER 1  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is kinda a short chappie Sorry bout that. It will get longer though. Hope you like it. I've got this thing with angst, so prepare yourself to be angst-tified. It's almost Christmas holidays, so hopefully I'll be able to get more chapters up soon. PLEASE review!!! The more reviews I get, the more likely I'll be to post more soon =) The next chapter will probably still be in Trowa's POV, or maybe in Heero's, I'm not sure yet. Well, until next time. Oh, and again, REVIEW!!! Pretty please? 


	2. Weakness

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Hehehe, sorry I took so long to write another chapter. These last few weeks have been filled with icky homework. Blech. First I just want to thank Jade Marquise for being my very first reviewer for this story. You're the best!! And yah, I think either Heero or Quatre is the youngest. Cuz Heero is my fave character, so I want him to be the youngest!! He's so cool =) and so cute! And thanks to Rae TB for reviewing too!!! You're the best too! =) And I LOVE Trowa and Heero pairings. They go SO well together. No offense to anyone who likes Trowa + Quatre, but I really don't like them too much. But that doesn't mean that I'll bash Quatre or anything. Don't worry. I don't like bashing characters. I'll be nice =) Oh, by the way, in the last chapter's summary, I put there will be 4 + 1. My bad, I meant 4 + 3. Now, go on and read the fic (you can skip over reading the disclaimer if you want ^_^ )  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Gundam Wing blah blah blah. I don't own the characters blah blah, even though I would LOVE to own Heero =) He's so cute =) Hehehehe. Just go on and read the story and ignore my craziness.  
  
  
  
New Beginnings By: Heero  
  
Chapter 2: Weakness  
  
Trowa's POV  
  
When I realized that Heero was still alive, I knew that I had been given another mission. My mission would be to take care of him, him that would one day be the salvation of the world. He fought, had the stains of blood on his hands, but he was pure. He killed, was wise beyond his years, but was still innocent. He would end the war through fighting, yet teach it peace through his own innocence. The minute I saw him lying there, so weak and fragile, I knew that it was up to me to care for him, to stay by his side, until his wounds healed and hopefully beyond that. And I did it, worked on this unofficial mission harder than the most important of real missions.  
  
Once I made up my mind to care for him, I was worried about where to put him. I didn't want Catharine or anyone else to ask any questions. However, that didn't turn into a problem. The minute Catharine saw him, her motherly instincts kicked in, and she insisted on helping to change bandages, sponge-bathe him, and make him soup. But I didn't want her help. It wasn't only the fact that I felt that it was my mission and my responsibility. It wasn't even the fact that I couldn't afford to have her find out about us being Gundam pilots. It took me days to find out what the flickers of emotion whenever I saw Catharine caring for Heero were. I finally realized that I was jealous.  
  
It took me another few days to figure out that I was jealous of Catharine, not Heero. At first, I thought I was jealous of Heero. Since he was injured, Catharine was devoting her attention to caring for him, when she used to fuss over me. But then, I realized that I was jealous of Catharine. I wanted to care for Heero, on my own. I didn't want her anywhere near him. I didn't quite know why. I had never felt anything like it before. I was being possessive of something that wasn't even mine.  
  
It was then that I touched at the beginnings of my not-yet-love for Heero. I knew I admired and respected him. I also knew that I was rather attracted to him. He looked so peaceful and innocent lying there, like the little boy he, like me, probably never got to be. I wanted him to stay like this forever, so I could continue taking care of him, but I also wanted him to wake up, so I could get to know him, the real him. I spent every free moment in his room, just watching him sleep. Seeing his chest rise and fall made me feel as if everything was right with the world. I even slept in his room, in the old chair whose backrest persisted in digging into back and sides.  
  
I desperately wanted to be there when he woke up. However, it turns out that was the time that Catharine insisted on kicking me out to get some real sleep. She said I was wearing myself out and that she would be happy to watch over Heero for awhile. I decided it would be easier just to humour her and just come back in a few hours. I tried to sleep, but I just ended up lying there, staring at the ceiling and thinking of Heero. After just half an hour of this torture, I decided to go to the circus ring and practice some acrobatics. However, that was even more disastrous. In the middle of swinging on the trapeze, I started thinking of Heero and that lapse in concentration nearly caused me to fall.  
  
Then, I decided it would be easier just to go back and sit outside the room. I could watch over Heero and Catharine would still think I was getting some rest. The second I saw his face, I felt well-rested and content. I settled down to watch. Some time passed before I noticed Heero moving. He seemed to be waking up. My heart was in my throat. The seconds that ticked by felt like years. I was tense, like a lion preparing to pounce. He opened his eyes and blinked a few times. I felt like shouting, then caught myself. He looked at Catharine and I felt that twinge of jealousy again. He whispered a name, Relena, and I felt an even stronger jolt of jealousy. Could Relena be his lover? I tried to dismiss that thought. He was on a mission. He couldn't have a girlfriend. He probably didn't even care for anything beyond the mission.  
  
That thought brought me back to my senses. Heero was a dedicated soldier. He gave 200%. He wouldn't even think of thinking about anything frivolous like love. And if I displayed such sentiments, he would think me weak. I nearly lost hope right then, but I remembered how peaceful he looked while sleeping. I wanted him to look that peaceful again, but not only while asleep. I wanted him to be happy and I wanted to be source of his happiness. I didn't want him to have to fight anymore. I almost wished he was still unconscious. Then, I would have a reason to be near him and he would be safe. I now knew that I loved him, but I also knew that I would have to hide it, this weakness.  
  
END OF CHAPTER 2  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I know this story is called "New Beginnings," but I still have some prologue-y stuff to finish before we get to after the war. Sorry. And I hope you like this chapter. Keep reading. I'll try to to get some more chapters as soon as possible. Please come back and check up on this fic. And PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!! 


	3. Hidden Emotions

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Hi again =) I think I'm updating a bit sooner now. I would have updated even sooner, except the holidays have been really busy. Thanks so much for those that reviewed. I think Trowa and Heero make a GREAT couple!! I know! I hate it when people say that they wouldn't say anything because they're both strong and silent types. They don't need to say much. They can practically read each other's thoughts. =) okay, I'll stop before I continue to obsess over why Trowa and Heero make such a good couple. Please excuse any spelling or grammar errors. I get lazy and don't edit too carefully ^_^" hehehe. Oh, and I think this chapter might have some stuff from Heero's POV and later chapters will DEFINITELY have some from his POV (cuz he's my FAVE character).  
  
DISCLAIMER: Sheesh, I don't own Gundam Wing or its characters or any anime show or any anime characters or anything that I would like to own (like GW, Escaflowne, Heero, Trowa, Van, Digimon, Tai, etc.) I wonder, is it even necessary to do a disclaimer every single time? Oh well, just go and read the fic =) and PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!  
  
New Beginnings By: Heero  
  
Chapter 3: Hidden Emotions  
  
Trowa's POV  
  
I took care to keep my feelings for Heero hidden. It grew harder everyday, as I spent more time with him, travelling around Europe. It was torture watching Heero put his life in the hands of first Sylvia Noventa and then countless other members of the Noventa family. I stayed with him through it all. Neither of us said anything about my staying. An unspoken understanding passed between us. Heero would never openly admit to needing my help, but he would accept it, for a time that is. We would have parted soon after if it weren't for the battle in Antarctica. This battle worried me. Heero still wasn't in the condition to pilot a mobile suit in a battle. That would cause severe strain to his injured arm. Heero was always disregarding his own safety. Fortunately, Relena and then OZ enemies came along and Heero and I got away.  
  
Soon after, Heero and I would be separated. Quatre had been piloting Wing Zero and wanted to destroy the colonies. Heero, once again being so selfless, persisted in going against Quatre even though he really stood no chance of beating him, in order to protect the colonies. For one second, time seemed to stop. I saw Quatre aim his beam cannon straight at Heero and I knew, in that one second, that Heero would die if he was hit. Without even thinking, I knew I had to protect him. It didn't matter what happened to me, he would be the world's hero and he already was mine. I threw myself in front of him, and I knew no more.  
  
Heero's POV  
  
I was stunned. No one had ever sacrificed their life to save mine. All my life, I had lived, following the rule of everyone for themselves. I couldn't trust anyone and I never let anyone close enough to me for them to trust me. However, Trowa had been slowly breaking through the outermost layer of my shell. He had saved my life so many times already and done so much for me without expecting anything in return. I still don't understand why he did it.  
  
What's this? Why are my cheeks wet? Are these tears? I've never cried before, at least I can't remember ever crying before. But then again, I don't remember anything before training with Dr. J. Why would I cry though? Am I crying for Trowa? Why should I care what happens to him? This is a war. It's not surprising that he would die. It's highly probable that all us Gundam pilots will die before this war ends. That's who we are, expendable soldiers. It's the mission that matters, not us who complete them. And he even died at the hands of our "comrade," someone we should have been able to count on, at least a little. This just proves we can't trust anyone in this cold world.  
  
We're alone. I'm alone. I'll always be alone. But Trowa's never let me down before. He has always been there for me. I might have been able to trust him eventually, even call him my first "friend." But fate has always been cruel, hasn't it? It's my destiny to fight alone. Goodbye Trowa, the only thing I can do now to thank you is to kill Quatre, avenge your death, and fulfill the mission.  
  
******************************************** Weeks later  
  
Heero's POV  
  
I'm in the Sanq Kingdom now. I never killed Quatre, I was too weak. But I suppose I'm glad I didn't kill him. I now know he didn't mean to kill Trowa, but he still did, and I don't think I will ever be able to forgive him or trust him. I often find myself deep in contemplation of the past few months. I've looked back on them with regret and a twinge of sadness? Trowa saved me and took care of me and I never even got the chance to thank him. Actually, I had plenty of chances to thank him, but I never did.  
  
I've never been one to talk a lot. I especially am not used to thanking anybody. All my life, I've done things for myself, never trusting others, so I've never had anyone to thank. I think Trowa knows and understands this. We're very alike, Trowa and I. We're both quiet, not speaking unless necessary. During the time we stayed together, we've learned to communicate with each other with very few words. Also, we're both good at hiding ourselves. He hides behind his hair, masking himself with indifference. I hide behind my computer and my missions. I've only just realized this. I used to be so well at hiding my feelings that I hid them away from myself.  
  
Only after Trowa died did I see myself. I hate the war. I hate fighting. I hate this life, the only one I've ever known. But it's dangerous to feel these emotions. This might endanger the damn mission. I'll continue to hide behind my mission reports and my Gundam until I finally complete my missions. When the world is free of Oz scum, I'll stop fighting and I'll leave, just fade away, unless I'm dead, which would be even better. The world doesn't need people like me, killers. I've never known another life, and I never will.  
  
Trowa already died, damn lucky bastard. I tried to self-destruct and he saved my life. Then, when I could have died with honour, completing my mission, he jumped in and saved me again, sacrificing himself. Why am I thinking so much about Trowa anyways? I should look at that as an example, a mistake to learn from. Don't get close to anyone, they could turn on you at anytime, like Quatre did. I shouldn't have let Trowa get so close to me. Now I know, and I won't let anyone get close to me again. Mission accepted.  
  
********************************************** Narrator's POV  
  
Trowa tosses and turns in his bed at the circus, "Heero..".  
  
  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Eek!! I started this chapter awhile ago, but I got lazy and didn't finish it until now. I'm SOOO sorry about not updating (to those who actually read this fic and actually care). I've been busy with projects and exams, EWWWW. Well, exams will soon be over and then I can write more =) YAY!!!!! I'm hoping to actually get to after the war. I think that will be the next chapter =) I really hope you liked this chapter. Please REVIEW!! Constructive criticism, ideas, ANYTHING!!! Just PLEASE REVIEW =) 


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